Zara’s Umrah Reflections
Before embarking on this sacred journey for the third time in my life, my heart was filled with anticipation and anxiety. Why was I being called again for Umrah? So many people I know in my life have longed for the opportunity to go to umrah and yet here I am again going for the third time in my life. I had long yearned to visit the Kaaba again after 12 years, to walk in the footsteps of prophets, and to cleanse my heart. Yet, amid my excitement, I also felt unworthy. Had I done enough to prepare spiritually? Would I be able to fully grasp the significance of this experience? My dua before leaving was simple: Ya Allah, I am undeserving of this opportunity and allow me to take full advantage of it.
Stepping into Haram for the third time felt surreal, it felt like the first time all over again. The moment my eyes fell upon the Kaaba, I was overcome with emotion. It was as if the world around me disappeared, and I stood in awe of the house of Allah. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and felt full struck of the environment around me, the place that I had been praying toward my whole life was now in front of me. All the noise of life, whether it be work, family, social responsibilities, all the worries I had carried with me, suddenly felt insignificant.
Tawaf was an experience unlike any other and one of my favorite experiences. As I walked alongside thousands of believers, I felt a deep sense of unity. People of all backgrounds, colors, and languages were here with the same purpose—to seek Allah’s mercy. Each step and lap around the Kaaba felt like home. Where I was meant to be and felt whole. With my heart making dua’a on every step, the urge to continue to walk around the Kabba was stronger than ever.
Sa’i was humbling. As I walked between Safa and Marwah, I thought of Hajar (AS)—her desperation, her strength, her unwavering trust in Allah. I imagined how lost she must have felt yet how her faith never wavered. In that moment, I reflected on my own life, the struggles I often overthink, and the times I doubted my path. I also connect this reflection to the people of Gaza, throughout being surrounded by loss, death, and destruction, their faith in Allah never wavered. If Hajar’s patience and trust led to the miraculous spring of Zamzam, surely Allah’s mercy could also bring solutions to any worldly worries.
During my duas, I found myself speechless at times, unable to articulate the depths of my heart. But in those moments of silence, I realized Allah already knew. He knew why I was called. He knows all the dua’as of my heart. He knows me better than I know myself and is the closest to me.
This journey was a reminder that Allah’s mercy is vast, and His love is boundless. I felt a deep renewal of my faith, a reminder that my worth isn’t tied to my shortcomings but to my sincere effort to seek Him and to remain patient in any test placed in front of me. Umrah stripped away distractions and brought me back to the essence of why we are here—to worship, to reflect, and to return to Allah with a purified heart.
This journey has taught me that faith is not about perfection—it’s about continuous effort. I want to hold onto the sincerity I felt during my duas in Makkah, to maintain the humility I experienced during Tawaf, and to trust Allah the way Hajar (AS) did. My goal moving forward is to be more present in my prayers, to remember that every hardship comes with ease, and to live with gratitude.
